How people come together. Part 2

They meet at the local dive bar after she gets off work.  They play pool, he finds out she’s actually pretty good, he lets her win a couple times, at least claims he did.

They talk and laugh. She keeps throwing money in jukebox. She dances while she walks and sings, with the look of no worries. She is relaxed, and she can not remember the last time she had this feeling.

They travel outside, away from the crowd and smoke. They looked at the moon, and they can still hear the music. They dance.. This is not a dance club nor with room or people that dance. There is a pergola with a bench and an ashtray. But they don’t notice the setting or passersby. They dance to a slow song, and then another, and another which feels like a minute and a million years all at the same time. In this moment they did not feel as strangers, they felt like they fit together, they felt like the place, the music, the whole setting, was made just for them.

This was the first date. This was the perfect one.

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How people come together. Part 1

So here I am writing about things over my head and things that I do not fully understand. Well maybe just this one thing.

Once upon time there was a girl, she was old enough to be an adult but she did not have any of the maturity of one. So she was a girl.

The first time they met she had a boyfriend, she didn’t have any kids. He had a wife and 2 kids.  She was taken with this man. He was a man, she was a girl.  She met him where she worked, everyday she would see him, they barely spoke, she was shy and knew he was off-limits.

She stops working, moves away, thinking she’s grown, to only learn that she’s lived a very sheltered and entitled life. Moves to a place so unkind and tragic that she cries to come back home. 

So time passes, during this time she has pressed every limit and boundary. With the help of a couple rough relationships, one being very abusive, finally maturing she woke up from the fog she was living under with a baby.  Also during this time, this man had been going through a pretty tiring and trying separation.

Back to her… She had a baby, no job and lived with her parents.  Winner?  She followed the help wanted signs, even bagged an interview in the local porn shop, she was gonna take the job for as bad as she needed the money.  She receives a phone call, the place she used to work had new owners and heard she was a great employee, and wanted to know is she was in need of a job. Who her? Why YES!

Now she had a job, baby daddy in jail, and lived with her parents.  Getting better?  She meets this man again, infatuated with this man, still off-limits in her mind, he was married, she kept her distance.

Slowly they started chatting, both learning about the other, the hard times they were going through.  Separation, and newly single parenting.  Found out both their exes lived on the same road two houses apart (when her’s wasn’t in jail).

They were becoming friends. Nothing more.

She drove a busted ford escort, got it after she wrecked her nice car in a ditch, but it got her to point A and mostly to B.  She was working, he was there. Someone walked in and said “your brake light is stuck on”. Not completely understanding why but her first impulse was to look at this man, as he did work on cars, she had found out through their talks. “hey car guy, could you help me?” were her words. He casually nodded.

They walked out together, first time alone, it was dark so the light grew brighter as they walked toward her car.  He fixed the light, with his head by the pedals, she thought, why is the man being so nice? They never are this nice, at least to me. She felt grateful and strangely special in this moment. Then she asked “what do I owe you?” He replied “how about a game of pool?”

 

How well do we really know each other?

I often wonder about this. In church everyone is always on their best behavior, well at least I am. I do not yell or scream at my kids in the middle of the service, I nicely smile and whisper to them “do we need to go to the bathroom to chat?” I also do not wear my sweat pants, and comfy clothes, the lack of getting ready I do on a daily basis may surprise others (or not). I smile, and sing, and shake hands and pretend to remember everyone’s names.
Even the grocery store I am normally more put together, well at least I think I am.

How many other people are another version of themselves when they are in public?

In church I am who I wish I could be every day.
But outside more times than not, I lose my cool. I am a work in progress, noticing my faults and not pushing them aside, step number one. Addressing them is step number two. This is what step I am on. Right now I am trying to cool it on my temper. I am also trying to work on my lack of patience, boy that’s a really tough one. I know I have many more faults than this, but these are two I feel are the most important right now, and I do not want to ruin my self esteem by pointing too many out at once.

Praise God!

There I said it. I said it loud and I meant it. I have spent too much of my time as a Christian worrying about offending others about my faith. Almost hiding it from others, for fear of their remarks or fear of hurting their feelings. I have been a quiet Christian, in fear of being a pushy Christian. I have finally learned, I think, how to live in the middle.

Let’s take my 5 year old son. I would spend almost every night trying to read him Bible stories for boys, or kid’s first Bible type books, and he hated it. He would pick fun bright colored books with funny stories. I finally let up.

Since I am really going on two years of being what I had thought I was a “real” Christian, this is all fairly new to him as well. I will start by saying that I was pushing extra hard for my son to accept God and learn really quickly, for they say your children are your pay back, and boy am I in for some pay back, but mostly I just want my son to not have to live a life of unknowing. Anyways back to what I figured out, after stopping trying to be pushy with him, even though he is 5 this was a valuable lesson for me on how to approach others about this sensitive subject.

Recently we started listening to K Love on the radio, and we talk more about it home as a family. But after spending all the time at church trying to get him to look through his picture Bible and read it that way, he would of course make a scene, fight me and say no. Well I laid off, thinking well he is too young and that it is pointless. So this last Sunday I didn’t mention it, we brought his Bible seeing that it was routine. He sat still, he flipped through each page, then he tapped my shoulder and said  “mom, why is Jesus walking on water” of course my heart smiles, but I won’t let him see that, I reply “Jesus was powerful, He is the Son of God, He can do anything” he see’s that a man is standing in the water, and says “so Jesus is going to save that guy”, I say “yes, Jesus is a nice guy”, he smiles and keeps flipping pages. Then we are singing a song or two, and my son pulls my arm and says, on the page where a woman is rubbing Jesus’s feet with oil, “the people were nice to Him too?” I said “yes”, so he smiles and goes back to flipping pages, then my son pulls on my arm, I turn, and there are tears in his eyes, and he says “Mommy, why are they being mean to Jesus?” he was on the page were they convicting him and the next page showed the cross, this is a children’s Bible so nothing graphic, but he got the point, I said “yes dear, those people were mean to him, they didn’t believe that Jesus came from God, and killed him for it.” So he is crying by now, not loud sobbing, so I sit back down and I thank Jesus for coming back alive, not only for the sins of the world, but so I can give my son a reason to smile at that moment, I flip a few pages and then it showed Jesus walking around again, so gratefully I say “but, He came back life, since He did come God, and He got to prove all the mean guys’ wrong, Isn’t that amazing?”, oh man I can not explain how big my heart was smiling when my son’s face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear, and wiped away the tears.

So learning from my experience, even with children we can not force anyone to Believe, we have to plant the seed and let in grow inside of them. We can not do God’s job, we can only do our own. I have been a quiet Christian, and now I feel so grateful for my own son’s heart and soul, that I have decided to not be a quiet Christian. I want to be a loud one, but then again I do not want to be pushy, for that too often than most will push people right out of the way.

What I found, that I believe is my own answer, is to be a proud, and public Christian, let everyone know, but not try to talk it death around people who are obviously not listening. I want to be an example, I want others to see Christ through me. With this said I have been working on my bad attitudes, thanks to Joyce Meyer. I only hope and pray that I can live up to this wonderful task.
PRAISE GOD!
Thank you for letting me share.

A girl’s Girl Guide

A girl’s Girl Guide…

Be confident. Confidence is attractive.

Be respectful. Have respect for yourself and others.

Take life serious. Do not take yourself too serious. Know that what you do today can affect tomorrow, no matter how small.

Please have a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself not at others. Laugh with people not at them. Girls do not tell dirty jokes.

Set goals, and know that they are achievable. If you do not think they are attainable then why would you bother? If you do not believe in yourself no one else will.

Learn from your mistakes. Yes, you will make mistakes. Take them for what they are life lessons. Some will be big and some will be small, but learn from them and move on. Try not to dwell on them, and learn so they do not have to be repeated. You have to own them so they do not own you, and if you hurt someone then you need to apologize.

Keep a journal. Everyone should, it will be entertaining one day. It will help you see growth in yourself, or it will let you see if you are too concerned about one thing or person.

Have true friends. To have a few true friends is better than to have many fake ones. Be a leader not be a follower. Have real life friendships. Find friends that you want to be like. You are only as good as the company you keep, and guilty by association is a real thing.

Never let yourself be attracted to jerks, they might be funny when they are being jerky to others, but your day will come when he is a jerk to you.

Stay away from bad boys, they may look mysterious and in need of saving, wake up that’s not your job. Bad boys are bad news, they like a good girl until they don’t, then you are boring. Never even think of trying to be bad with them, they will leave you for the next “good” girl.

Do not date older guys until you are older. They may look like they have their life together but most are still immature and if they happen to be mature than you will be the immature one in the relationship. My advice is be at least 25 to date five or more years older.

Be yourself and you will only attract those who like you for you!

Most importantly the last point, have a relationship with God. If you do not have a full-fledged relationship already you should get one. If you are skeptical, keep God in your mind. He will show you He is there if you have an open mind.

 

Thank you for letting me share I hope this is helpful. 

Sneak. .

So now she confided in the one she knew would tell. Oh goodness and how did she finally get the attention that she had been struggling to get. She was sent off to rehab for a short few week stay. Wow did it feel comfortable, you would think maybe it would scare her and she would want to straighten out. How is this the first time in her life that she could be surrounded by others who understood her? She made so many fast friends, none lasting but, she felt happy and content.
Then they would have visiting days when family would come with the bells and whistles and the broken apologies. “How did we not know?” they asked. Which she could not answer, because she had the same question.

So…???

So I have this great idea that I will write a book. I want to write a book about some things that I have been through to help others know the outcome without having to go through the obstacles. I am noticing that I need to get on the ball. I know someone personally that may be going through some similar things, but yet I do not know how to reach out. Would it be considered overstepping?

I am feeling really drawn to completely it, but I am having the hardest time starting it (go figure). There are so many things to consider: feelings, names, fact/fiction, length, and mostly where to start in my story. Should I go back to childhood to maybe connect some dots to see where I felt compelled to get self destructive or start bam in the middle. There is a book I really like call “Go Ask Alice” I like it because it is based off a true story and it is tragic.

Personally does a sad book with a sad ending, or a sad book with a happy ending appeal more???? Now really you can leave your answer. I am trying to let others know that there is a possibility for a better life, but maybe some people would need to be scared straight.

I know I am not anyone that anyone knows. I know that I am just me, just one ant. But I have been contemplating this for a couple years and now it is constantly on my mind.

With regards to maybe hurting some feelings when I write this, I do not want to. I am over my past I am not angry or resentful towards anyone. I feel that my past has made me who I am today and I am starting to like myself, finally. But with that being said does it make sense to attempt to change someone’s course if they would come out a stronger person, or is not worth the risk that they may not make it out the other side?

With our youngest about to head off to kindergarten I think that I may have some time available to actual think and hopefully be productive with this project, but until then I will have to stick with my if I’m lucky 2o minutes to write a post.

Thank you for letting me share….