Self Esteem

How do you teach this? How can you teach your daughter or sons that they are worth more than this world has to offer.  I pray that I do them justice to know their worth, and that they are loved.

I really wish I had been taught or the little I was taught I wish I would have believed it. I can now look back and see if I had only known that I was worth something, I would have had a completely different life.

It has taken me 30 years to finally feel worth it. To finally know that I am special, to know that I deserve to be happy and treated with respect. To know that my children could face some of the same troubles and temptation and tests in life that I so miserably failed scares me to death.

I didn’t feel pretty, never… Still fight with this one.

I didn’t feel special, I always thought I was ordinary well even less than that.

I suffered deeply with depression for many years. Too scared for suicide I chose the slow long-suffering way. I even made it seem fun, to pump my body full of toxins, and strangers, and take stupid reckless risks hoping I could prove to myself that I was not meant to be….

Yet here I am. 32 finally feeling like life is worth it… That I am worth it.

I use this story as my testimony. My testimony that there are far better things out there. If anyone has any doubts about their own lives or feel ordinary.

Please know that you are not ordinary, you are perfectly and fearfully made by God. This sadness in your soul is not your life story, It is something trying to pull down trying to recruit to bad side, trying to make someone feel unloved is their job. God can not make you go to Him, He has given us free will, that I personally took for granted and free willed myself away from him for 26 years. I am living breathing proof that He is real.

I live in a small town, I have lived in this small town since I was a young child. I have made all of my bad decisions in this same small town. I run into people from my past on a weekly basis. I have to face them, I have to relive all of my poor choices. But what I take away is how blessed I have become. Even I, after all my foolishness, am still loved and forgiven. For these people who I come into contact, that is what I hope they can see. That I am changed for the better, Thanks to God. Nothing I could have done on my own.

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Fight the enemy instead of each other!

Another day and something is going wrong, well that is according to our own thoughts and ideas of the way our selfish lives should go. We get frustrated, annoyed, (the over used excuse for our own bad behaviors) stressed and we use these words like they are acceptable excuses for losing our temper, saying things that hurt others’ feelings and we think that, that makes it OK. It is not OK. I am guilty of this, I get mad and angry and I tell my kids it’s not them, that I am just frustrated. BUT oh why is it them that I am losing it with?

I will tell you why I think it is. It is the devil in our heads and unfortunately in our hearts. Our selfishness coming through.

Also the devil uses others to get to us. If you are in a feud with someone, that makes absolutely no sense. It is more than likely the devil working through them. I am not saying they are the devil, no not at all, they are just being used by the devil and they do not see it. I personally have a issue that I used to obsess about and spend way to much time replaying and focusing on it, but then I realized that it wasn’t the people I was upset with and I also finally came to terms with the fact that, that I am not the reason for their hatred, they just put my face on the problems they were already facing because it was easy.

Any ways what I am saying is that the devil will find anyway to shake us, weather it is our hot water is out, our car won’t start or someone is just plain mean to us. It can be the real enemy working through these things to get us to doubt our sovereign Lord.

Lord, can you please help me see the difference between your divine intervention, and when the devil is trying to make me slip up. Please change my heart and my tongue so that I can live and act in a way to please You. I want my eyes on you, and not waste a moment giving the devil any glory. God you deserve all the glory and praise. Amen.

Where is God?

AND WHERE IS God???????????
This is a question people too often ask. Well your answer is… Where you put Him. On the back burner, for a lot of people. For all of us He is our last hope. We will see a better world if we put God first in our lives.

He is still on our money but not in our schools. That’s rich… Well if we want to stop complaining so much about the next generation of Hellions, yes I have some too, bring God back to school! I want our kids to not be the “WEIRD” ones, for wanting to pray or to Thank God for the good things, even at school. How as parents are we suppose to encourage our kids to still believe when they come home and feel like the only one. I am tired of this line that has been drawn from God/ School, God/ Government, God/ workplaces. So the only place we think we are “SAFE” is at home. Well no wonder the World is in shambles.

We can not have God on conditions, we can not have God when it is convenient, He is in all aspects of our lives. We pray for world peace, well imagine if the whole wide world was praying that prayer, I think God would listen! But not if we hide in our closets to do it.

In some countries people are being killed or publicly persecuted for their beliefs, and that doesn’t even sway them, they still outwardly acknowledge God. Could you do that??????

Praise God!

There I said it. I said it loud and I meant it. I have spent too much of my time as a Christian worrying about offending others about my faith. Almost hiding it from others, for fear of their remarks or fear of hurting their feelings. I have been a quiet Christian, in fear of being a pushy Christian. I have finally learned, I think, how to live in the middle.

Let’s take my 5 year old son. I would spend almost every night trying to read him Bible stories for boys, or kid’s first Bible type books, and he hated it. He would pick fun bright colored books with funny stories. I finally let up.

Since I am really going on two years of being what I had thought I was a “real” Christian, this is all fairly new to him as well. I will start by saying that I was pushing extra hard for my son to accept God and learn really quickly, for they say your children are your pay back, and boy am I in for some pay back, but mostly I just want my son to not have to live a life of unknowing. Anyways back to what I figured out, after stopping trying to be pushy with him, even though he is 5 this was a valuable lesson for me on how to approach others about this sensitive subject.

Recently we started listening to K Love on the radio, and we talk more about it home as a family. But after spending all the time at church trying to get him to look through his picture Bible and read it that way, he would of course make a scene, fight me and say no. Well I laid off, thinking well he is too young and that it is pointless. So this last Sunday I didn’t mention it, we brought his Bible seeing that it was routine. He sat still, he flipped through each page, then he tapped my shoulder and said  “mom, why is Jesus walking on water” of course my heart smiles, but I won’t let him see that, I reply “Jesus was powerful, He is the Son of God, He can do anything” he see’s that a man is standing in the water, and says “so Jesus is going to save that guy”, I say “yes, Jesus is a nice guy”, he smiles and keeps flipping pages. Then we are singing a song or two, and my son pulls my arm and says, on the page where a woman is rubbing Jesus’s feet with oil, “the people were nice to Him too?” I said “yes”, so he smiles and goes back to flipping pages, then my son pulls on my arm, I turn, and there are tears in his eyes, and he says “Mommy, why are they being mean to Jesus?” he was on the page were they convicting him and the next page showed the cross, this is a children’s Bible so nothing graphic, but he got the point, I said “yes dear, those people were mean to him, they didn’t believe that Jesus came from God, and killed him for it.” So he is crying by now, not loud sobbing, so I sit back down and I thank Jesus for coming back alive, not only for the sins of the world, but so I can give my son a reason to smile at that moment, I flip a few pages and then it showed Jesus walking around again, so gratefully I say “but, He came back life, since He did come God, and He got to prove all the mean guys’ wrong, Isn’t that amazing?”, oh man I can not explain how big my heart was smiling when my son’s face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear, and wiped away the tears.

So learning from my experience, even with children we can not force anyone to Believe, we have to plant the seed and let in grow inside of them. We can not do God’s job, we can only do our own. I have been a quiet Christian, and now I feel so grateful for my own son’s heart and soul, that I have decided to not be a quiet Christian. I want to be a loud one, but then again I do not want to be pushy, for that too often than most will push people right out of the way.

What I found, that I believe is my own answer, is to be a proud, and public Christian, let everyone know, but not try to talk it death around people who are obviously not listening. I want to be an example, I want others to see Christ through me. With this said I have been working on my bad attitudes, thanks to Joyce Meyer. I only hope and pray that I can live up to this wonderful task.
PRAISE GOD!
Thank you for letting me share.

This world is hard

We all know what life was like when we were growing up. It has been different for everyone of us. We all had good times and bad. I feel though however that this generation coming up is having it the worst, well worse than I personally did, and I didn’t have it great. I got myself into some trouble as a teenager/young adult, not as much as I should of.
The world now scares the hell out of me. I can not believe how open the world is about drugs. How easy people can find it these days, they don’t even have to try, before we had to seek them out so you had to want them, now its so popular that people don’t have to want them to have them offered. I am sad for the kids these days they are going to have an uphill battle to stay away from that crap. Now that marijuana is becoming legal(ugh) there are new and scarier drugs taking its place. People who do drugs to do something dangerous and “cool”, which is far from cool, will not want a legal drug, are you kidding me? Drug dealers and pushers have to find a new product to sell to kids. I am very livid, I personally know that these struggles are hard to overcome and I thank God everyday that I did overcome them. I just pray that the generation with all of our kids will be able to too. I am asking God why is it so easy, why are you challenging our kids to be stronger, or are you challenging the parents of these misguided kids?
There is so much social media these days there are hardly any secrets between anyone, the kids who do not want to talk to their parents but they will tell the whole world some things. I am grateful for that, for it can save someone from themselves in a dark time if that is their only place to vent and have real emotion. I remember when I was a troubled kid I kept a journal not that it was many years ago but there was no facebook or twitter or instagram or tumbler or….. wordpress…. to divulge all of our personal information, I had to do what everyone else at that time and before had to do, we had to stuff it down. So, I am grateful for the outlet for others and myself, once I get this out then maybe I’ll be able to sleep. On the other hand I am having a hard time trying to keep up with all these outlets, and I know by the time that my own kids are old enough for this kind of stupid mess I will have a few more to keep up with.
Thanks for letting me share…

A girl’s Girl Guide

A girl’s Girl Guide…

Be confident. Confidence is attractive.

Be respectful. Have respect for yourself and others.

Take life serious. Do not take yourself too serious. Know that what you do today can affect tomorrow, no matter how small.

Please have a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself not at others. Laugh with people not at them. Girls do not tell dirty jokes.

Set goals, and know that they are achievable. If you do not think they are attainable then why would you bother? If you do not believe in yourself no one else will.

Learn from your mistakes. Yes, you will make mistakes. Take them for what they are life lessons. Some will be big and some will be small, but learn from them and move on. Try not to dwell on them, and learn so they do not have to be repeated. You have to own them so they do not own you, and if you hurt someone then you need to apologize.

Keep a journal. Everyone should, it will be entertaining one day. It will help you see growth in yourself, or it will let you see if you are too concerned about one thing or person.

Have true friends. To have a few true friends is better than to have many fake ones. Be a leader not be a follower. Have real life friendships. Find friends that you want to be like. You are only as good as the company you keep, and guilty by association is a real thing.

Never let yourself be attracted to jerks, they might be funny when they are being jerky to others, but your day will come when he is a jerk to you.

Stay away from bad boys, they may look mysterious and in need of saving, wake up that’s not your job. Bad boys are bad news, they like a good girl until they don’t, then you are boring. Never even think of trying to be bad with them, they will leave you for the next “good” girl.

Do not date older guys until you are older. They may look like they have their life together but most are still immature and if they happen to be mature than you will be the immature one in the relationship. My advice is be at least 25 to date five or more years older.

Be yourself and you will only attract those who like you for you!

Most importantly the last point, have a relationship with God. If you do not have a full-fledged relationship already you should get one. If you are skeptical, keep God in your mind. He will show you He is there if you have an open mind.

 

Thank you for letting me share I hope this is helpful. 

So I thought about it…. and I am done!

Well I am over it. I am done with my negative: self talk and talk of others, self pity and most important I am done with other’s opinions of me. Well not you of course :). I have spent too many sleepless nights and too much time in my head about some things, and not enough time on my positives. I am a true believer that you can only be a good as you let yourself be. If I spend any more time worrying about things or people outside of my immediate family than I am wasting my time, my breath, and most of all I am missing out on precious memories.

So thank you Lord for my blessings, and thank you Lord most of all for my husband and our handsome amazing boys!

I also have to thank the Lord for my obstacles and past road traveled before I was feeling so blessed. This may sound crazy to some, to be thankful for hard times, to be thankful for the storms in our lives might sound crazy. If we can not look through the clouds and see the sun then we are not living right. If you are in a tunnel and can not see the end, that is human, but being able to know that there is an end is having faith. Now knowing you should have faith and saying that you have faith are completely different then living with faith. Living with faith is to live with your eyes wide open and to be open to all possibilities. Just because we have a certain plan or road map for our own lives does mean that everything will go our way. With that being said we need to take these detours with stride and to know that everything will be alright.

Now back to why I am thankful for hard times, for when I was going through my hard times I did not have any faith I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I will only say hard times (those times are for another time) to shorten my story. Then I learned the error of my ways and now I am now a stronger person, I now know that there is a light and that only I can dim it, which would be foolish, but for me stressing and carrying on about some trivial things and people in my life is only dimming my light. I have been worrying myself to almost a destructive point in my life. Like I said at the beginning I am done with that.

I remember I do have faith, I do have trust in GOD that if I am in any situation this very day or month that I will get through it! I will get through it stronger than I was before, now I can not be sure that others will get through it with me. But when it comes to faith and God we know that he knows best and I believe that with all my heart.

So please do not be as I was, do not be foolish to take life for granted and to think that we have precious time to waste on foolish people or objects. Life is too short; however I do look forward to my day with Jesus, but right now in this moment, I look forward to my days with my children and to spend time with people whom I love and that love me too.

James 5:7-10
“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”

This is what I needed to hear, to get a straight head on for another week.
Thank you for letting me share…