Quicksand

You are drowning. Not quickly. You are slowly sinking, how far down are you?

Are you at your ankles, your feet just being covered almost like when you sit at the beach and cover the top of your foot with sand? This sand though is not soft and grainy, this sand is like mud and heavy like when you are at the edge of the ocean and sink your feet in when the waves sweep up to the shore. Where it takes some effort to get your feet back out of it.

Effort is key.

Are you waist deep in the quicksand? Like you are pulling a whole other person with you when you try to walk forward? Or like you are pushing a car with a dead battery out of the road with it in neutral?

Now what is even more tricky is if the quicksand is up to your shoulders, almost up your neck. Where the only free thing is your head, It holds your brain, your eyes, ears and nose. Your shoulders feel heavy, you turn your whole body to turn your head, you are moving so slow that everyone else seems like they are fast-warded.

Even if you feel stuck to the point that only your eyes and top of your head are out. Well you are still in luck your brain is fitting for air for you.

This quicksand is not quick, why that name I do not know.

Now from what I remember about quicksand, you can not struggle, you can not wiggle, you can not crawl out of it. You have to pulled out of it quickly. You can not sit there and take your time to think about it, most of all you can not give up.

I am using quicksand as a description of life.

When you feel stuck, and like you are sinking…… or that life is overwhelming and you can see no change in your future. If you ever feel like you should just make yourself comfortable in this quicksand life. Please do not. Please do not feel like slowly drowning is the way your going to get out of this life.  Yes it will work, yes it will happen, if you do not TRY.

Crawling before walking, walking before running, stepping before jumping. These are the steps we watch our young children follow. But as adults we have to follow them too.

Now I know I said you can not get out of quicksand by all these things, that you have to be lifted out of the quicksand. You lift yourself out of the quicksand with your mind, with your heart, with your soul, with your longing to live for the others who love you, even if not for yourself. But the only you will stay out of that quicksand and not slide back is to have God pull you out. Now God can give the rope to get out, and he will pull, but you have to put your arms up and grab it without letting go.

I was in quicksand, I was almost comfortable with it, but this little nagging voice, the tired heart and body that couldn’t keep up with my kids. I am freshly out of it.

So, I wanted to share that you are not stuck unless you choose to be.

Grab the rope!!!!!!!!!!!

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For Your Sake

Who are you to tell me how to live my life?

Who cares if you have good intentions?

I just started being healthy. Almost 35.

It’s like when you find Jesus and you want everyone else to know, so they can get to heaven with you.  I want my friends and family to be healthy with me. They would get so much more out of life.

I can see better now. (yes yes I see clearly now that the rain is gone) but more because the sugar and excess weight is gone.

It is like I have this magic eight ball. I can see why so and so is having trouble sleeping. Or why so and so is having what I would call sugar tantrums, or anxiety, depression.

I have struggled with all of these.

To be completely honest, I still do if I get off the exercising and eating right band wagon, which I do fall off occasionally, but now that I have seen the greener grass, I will climb barb wire to get back on.

The first time I ever felt like running. It wasn’t because I wanted to be healthy, or have a better body. It was because I was so pissed off at my situation and the fact that I could not do ANYTHING about it. I wanted to run I wanted to fly away. So I ran as fast and hard as I could, granted it was less than an eighth of a mile but it opened up something inside of me. No not my lungs they felt like they were going to burst. I was crumpled over on the road crying. To tell you the truth I did not feel any better that day, but the truth is I didn’t have any more energy to feel worse.

This was probably almost 3 years ago.  I have gone up and down the scale rollacoaster more times then I’d like to admit. Partly due to having a baby. But also I forget how good I feel when I let myself feel bad, and the why bother when I hit the weight platoe.

I can tell a major difference in myself when I get up and run or walk or do a yoga video versus when I wake up and do nothing. I am testy, aggravated to boot. When I get up and exercise and wipe myself out. I do not have the energy for the negative. I do not rent it space.  Plus I feel accomplished already.

Being a grown up now. I can look back and see that I never had any self esteem, never cared never thought that that could change. But it has. I like myself finally and I want to take of myself. I want this to shine through to my children, so that they can have these values and self esteem and self control and self discipline that I wish I could of had earlier on.