I like this blog and I love that I can express my feelings and thoughts to the “sphere” as I call the internet. What I really like that I can have a honest opinion. I know that one day I may end up with some actual comments and some of those comments may not agree with me on some of my opinions but never the less I get to have my own opinions and express them. My problem has never been conflict in fact I thrive on it, I love to have to prove my point or in a few cases learn that I am wrong.
However in my real life I am quickly beginning to lose any sense of genuine feelings. I know some people, that have to hear what they want to hear and they have to be able to say what they want to say. I find this fact infuriating. I have never been one to back down (oh no quiet the opposite), but I am learning something about myself and these others as this situation keeps persisting. I am learning about myself that I am not OK with this sort of relationship, and I am also learning that I am not OK with people who are OK with this type of relationship.
I recently gave up Facebook not the first time but I believe the last time. It was not due to the fact that it is addicting and a time warp ( which it is) it was also not due to the fact that I have to deal with selfies and self-absorbed people. It was due to the fact that I am friends with family members who unlike me get to voice opinions.
I deal with others telling me how they think I should act, talk or approach people and even though it hurts I nod and listen to their points, now you might think since I am trying my best to be supportive and polite that they would return the favor and hear me out. Nooooooooooooo. Absolutely not.
Now I am sure that someone can read into this and see that it is taking a lot of creative writing and a lot of beating around the bush to not say what the matter at hand is. Which goes to show that I am still not sure of the amount of privacy, and honestly it is sad that I am afraid to hurt someone’s feelings even though they are continually hurting mine.
I never pimped out my blog, I never linked it, I never really told anyone. Well my husband knows but he couldn’t find it well unless he went on my computer and went into my favorites. HA! So to my few followers thank you. I only do not share my writings because of these facts, and also this is my “Free therapy”. And even though this suppose to be my safe place I can still not bring myself to say what it is that is bothering me.
I have equated my recent behavior to my new but not so new Christian lifestyle. I am trying to do my best and turn the other cheek.. So some may call me weak, sometimes I feel that is what I have been with this situation, but it is only making me a stronger, think before I speak Christian. Also it letting me know how I honestly stand with those who say they love me.